The Challenge of Being an Introverted Man in Today’s World12 minute read
Men can often struggle with the label of “introvert”. As an introverted man, we see the extroverted men of the world and think these are the men doing life right. We see their personality as the “right” personality and tend to make ourselves act like them. We often hate our personality and want to destroy it at all cost to be what the world sees as a man. And sadly enough, we come out the other end unfulfilled, burned out and feeling that there is something wrong with us.
Unfortunately, in today’s world, quiet is usually a sign of weakness or a sign of being unintelligent. As a young man, I struggled with the fact that I was more quiet or slow to speak. “Is there something wrong with me?”, I thought. Sometimes I lacked confidence and saw myself as inferior to the other men around me. I didn’t know I was an introvert. I didn’t even know what an introvert was to be honest. I just knew I wasn’t like a lot of my friends or the men I looked up too. Or so I thought.
If you feel this way, stick around. Give me a chance to convince you otherwise and show you that there is nothing wrong with you. By the end of this article, you will be confident in yourself and learn some ways to use your gifts to serve Christ.
Know your Personality Type
I think the first step is to understand your personality and where it stands on the personality spectrum. My favorite site to take this type of test is 16personalities. After you read this article, go there and take the test. It is a great resource. They make it fun with cool little avatars and they explain it all in plain terms.
If you are interested in seeing my personality type go here and read about it https://www.16personalities.com/profiles/5d99794168d49. It will at least give you an idea of how they present the information.
Know what the Bible says about Manhood
As a christian, we are to filter our beliefs through the word of God not through the lens of the world. That means we are to only care what Gods says. Not what this world says. So as a man, we are to learn what true manhood is through Gods word and nothing else. Anything else is wrong and is simply leading us astray.
Here are some verses that tell you how a man is supposed to be.
- 1 Timothy 6:11 But thou, O man of God, flee these things; and follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, meekness.
To put this verse into context, Timothy is speaking of being content with the things you have and not having a love of money. If you have clothes to wear and food to eat, you are to be content and thankful. You cannot take your possessions into heaven, so don’t work so hard to gain just material things, Timothy warns us.
Then he tells us that to be a “man of God” we must flee of those things and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience and meekness. I want you to focus on those words. Do any of those words describe manliness according to the world today?
The answer is no. I was actually was relieved to see this verse. Most introverts can relate to the last couple of words at least.
Patience and meekness. These are not traits of a weak man. These are traits of a man of God!
Introverts tend to be very patient people in most regards. What about the word meek? Don’t let the world fool you on this word. It has sadly taken on a more negative meaning these days. Modern dictionaries defines meekness to be quiet, gentle and submissive. While I don’t completely disagree, I think the bibles meaning goes a little deeper.
I love how Samuel Meier put it in an article for bibestudytools.com. He defines meekness as an “active and deliberate acceptance of undesirable circumstances that are wisely seen by the individual as only part of a larger picture”. I am not smart enough to put together word like that. So, another way to explain it is to say, a mans character is defined by how he reacts in difficult situations. As we are put into external vulnerability, we need to inwardly be patient, resilient and strong.
In a difficult situation, God expects us to be still and patient while being strong in our faith. We are not supposed to control every situation but be strong in our faith that God will guide us through it. And if you are a husband or father, this is how you bring your family through tough times. By being the solid rock of control when everything seems out of control.
Another verse is Proverbs 12:16.
A fool’s wrath is presently known: but a prudent man covereth shame.
This means a man is not supposed to react to an insult. It is a big deal today to be in an argument, get insulted and walk away. It is seen as weakness and the people involved will, without a doubt, say your a coward. But look at what the verse says. A fool’s wrath is presently known. That means if you react to the words of an insult, you are a fool. I see a lot of men being fools today. Fighting over the smallest things just to prove they are a tougher man then the other.
There are many more verses, but I’ll just cover one more and move on.
Ephesians 5:25-27 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.
There is a ton of articles that could be written on this passage alone. But here is the gist of it. We, as husbands, are to loves our wives as Christ loved the church. Don’t just skate over that. Read it again. “AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH AND GAVE HIMSELF FOR HER”. That is a lot of love. We are to love her to the point that we will willingly die for her. As her husband, we are to also be there to sanctify and cleanse her with the word of God.
We have a responsibility to our wives to be their spiritual leader. We are responsible to encourage, teach and lead. Because of this verse, I believe when we get to heaven, we are going to answer for our wives “blemishes” as the verse puts it. God puts us in charge of it, so he is going to hold us accountable.
As you look at the worlds definition of manhood today, you see almost nothing that lines up with the bible. The world focuses on money, physical abilities and popularity. While the God focuses on self-control, righteousness and Godly submission.
Know your Gifts
If you are saved, you have a spiritual gift. What is it? Well, I don’t know. That is for you to pray and ask for discernment on.
To get some guidance, there are a lot of great websites out there that help you realize your gifts. Or at least point you in the right direction.
One site I used was gifts.churchgrowth.org to get an idea what my gifts might be. It is a survey that you can take that breaks down where your strengths and weaknesses might be. By no means should you take this as absolute truth, but I think it might open your eyes to what you are good at.
My top three gifts were;
- Serving
- Shepherding
- Giving
After reading through them, I agree. This allows me to be a bit more confident in the things I volunteer for or do on a daily basis. Knowing your gifts are important not only for yourself, but for the kingdom of God. Pray for God to reveal them to you. God gave them to you for a reason and if you are willing to use them for him, there is no telling what you can accomplish for him in your lifetime.
Some other ways to find your gift is to:
- think about what brings you joy. (you will enjoy doing whatever God gifted you with)
- ask your friends and family what you are good at. (yo u might not see what is right in front of you. get some outside perspective)
- read this article to get a quick idea of what spiritual gifts are.
Start a Personal Ministry
Now you need to put in a bit of work. Because faith without works is dead and God did not put us here to just keep our gifts to ourselves.
That is right, now we have to interact with others. This is where it gets hard, but also the part that is the most rewarding.
What do I mean by a personal ministry?
A personal ministry is a way for you to take a leadership role of some sort and turn it into your own personal ministry. A personal ministry can be leading a small group, teaching a class, being a part of a non-profit or creating study for co-workers.
One big one that men tend to overlook is being a minister to your family. Without a doubt, this is where every man should start, for if you can’t be a leader in your own house, how do you expect to lead out in the world?
As you can see, a personal ministry can be any number of things, but the point is that you are using your gift to further Gods Kingdom. It doesn’t have to be an official 501(c)(3). Just take a step of faith into a role that creates some sort of following. This is how disciples are made. In the book of Matthew, we are commanded to go into the world and teach.
One example is to start a blog or an online presence like I have. This blog you are reading right now is an example of a personal ministry. This is a way I am able to use my love for technology to spread the good news and teach others. So just know that the possibilities are endless.
If creating a personal online ministry is something that sounds interesting to you, let me know. I would be happy to teach you. And don’t worry, you don’t have to be a tech nerd.
Starting a personal ministry can be a big step and usually takes some support around you to actually go through with it. Because, lets be honest, it is a big step and can be scary. But I can assure you that there is nothing more fulfilling than walking according to Gods plan. Doing anything else feels pointless. Don’t look back 20, 30, 40 years from now wishing you did more and realizing the only reason you didn’t was because of fear.
Conclusion
As and introverted man, it is entirely possible to exude confidence and strength while at the same time staying true to yourself. If you dive deeper into the points I covered, you will without a doubt overcome the challenges of being an introverted man.
The first point is to know your personality type. This is where you can narrow down the answers to all your questions of “why?”. God created every personality type for a reason. It keeps a certain balance to the world and it allows him to use different strengths through different people. This brings me into point two which was know your bible. In particular, know what the bible says about being a Godly man.
The bible doesn’t divide introvert and extrovert, but God gives us traits and commandments that show us what it truly means to be a man. It isn’t what the world defines as a man, and you need to be okay with that as a christian. You and I just need to worry about what God says and make sure we stay in line with that.
The third point was know your spiritual gifts. When you are saved, God gives you a gift. That gift determines what God has in store for you and what you need to be doing on a daily basis. Your gift is your strength. Use it for God and for your relationship with him.
And finally, find your personal ministry. Find a role you can fill and teach others about Christ and what he did for us. Use your gifts to lead and live by example. God did not give us a spiritual gift or a talent to hide it from the world. Go into the world and teach, as Matthew says. Teach in your own unique way and hopefully along the way, you will encourage others to do the same.
Travis Haines
Husband | Father | IT Guy | Blogger | Author and Creator of ChristianIntrovert.com wanting to encourage those who question their abilities in Christ. Don't let your Introversion define who you are and don't use it as an excuse to shut yourself out from the world.