What does it mean to be an Introvert?9 minute read
Have you ever been described as “shy” or “quiet”? Have you been told to “come out of your shell”? If so, you are most likely an introvert. “Introvert” is a term for a personality trait that has only really been around since the early 1900s.
If you google the word introvert, this is what you will find.
Introvert Definition
noun
noun: introvert; plural noun: introverts
- 1.
- a shy, reticent person.
- a person predominantly concerned with their own thoughts and feelings rather than with external things.
Extrovert vs Introvert
There are three main terms used to categorize a person’s personality. Extrovert, Ambivert and Introvert. I am only going to cover the two most people talk about. One is “extrovert”, someone who is outgoing and more outwardly expressive, and the other is “introvert”, someone who is more introspective with their thoughts and tends to hold back outward expressions. No one is 100% introverted or 100% extroverted.
The concept of introversion and extroversion is more of a scale or continuum with extrovert on one end and introvert on the other end while ambivert falls right in the middle. You can be anywhere on this scale, but you can’t be two places on the scale at once. For example, the more introverted you are. The less extroverted you are and visa-versa. That sounds elementary. But it holds true to the fact that a person cannot be both highly extroverted and highly introverted at the same time.
Is being “shy’ the same as being Introverted?
Although shyness is one way to describe introverts, being “shy” and being an ‘introvert” are two different things. Shyness usually stems from some sort of past pain or fear that inhibits a person from being social for various reasons. You can usually fix shyness with practice and training. Introversion, on the other hand, is a personality trait you are born with. It is a trait that dictates how your bodies energy levels are handled in certain situations.
The Tail of 2 Best Friends
Introverts do not necessarily “fear” social interactions. They simply get physically and emotionally drained or exhausted from being in social situations for a period of time. On the opposite end of the spectrum, extroverts are drained while being alone and gain their energy by being around crowds of people.
To better explain this, I’ll use a real-life scenario.
Best friends, ExtraBob and IntroSusie, are invited to a party (ExtraBob is an extrovert and IntroSusie is an introvert, But you probably picked up on that). Both ExtraBob and IntroSusie are excited to attend the party because it is a “welcome back” party for their best friend, Greg, who is coming home from overseas. They can’t wait to catch up on old times and are looking forward to seeing a lot of their other friends.
ExtraBob and IntroSusie ride to the party together and talk about how excited they are to see Greg. Once they arrive at the party, they enter at the same time. Greg is standing in the middle of the room talking to those that have already arrived. As soon as ExtraBob sees Greg, he immediately throws his hands up in the air and yells at the top of his lungs, “GREG!!!! Let the party begin!!!” as he proceeds to wrap his arm around Greg’s neck as if he was putting him in a headlock. IntroSusie laughs and walks up to Greg giving him a big hug and lets him know how much she missed him and that she was glad he was home.
The three talk for a few minutes catching up and ExtraBob can’t help himself but work the room. He can only take a few minutes of small talk and he is off to a new conversation. Greg needs to go speak to others he has missed and IntroSusie takes this opportunity to scan the room and see if there is a small group of friends she can sit and talk with.
IntroSusie is not much for small talk and looks for a person she can have a deeper conversation with. She finds her good friend Ryan and they talk for hours it seems. Full of energy and having the time of his life, ExtraBob grabs the attention of the crowd and wants to express his gratitude toward his Best Friend Greg. IntroSusie loves the energy her friends have and enjoys being around them, but she would never dream of doing some of the things ExtraBob does.
As the party winds down, IntroSusie is feeling tired and is ready to go home. She looks for ExtraBob and asks if he is ready to go. ExtraBob is reluctant. He acts like he is just getting started and proposes that they stay longer. IntroSusie obliges and agrees to stay a little longer. She finds a quieter spot to sit and look at her phone. A little while later, ExtraBob sees his friend sitting alone and asks if everything is alright. IntroSusie says, “Yes. Of course. I am just tired”. “Okay.” says ExtraBob and they agree to head home.
As you could probably tell from this short story, both ExtraBob and IntroSusie enjoyed themselves at the party. They each had their own way of having fun and mingling with other people. Neither person “feared” being in the social situation. Neither, ExtraBob or IntroSusie, were afraid to show public affection toward their best friend when they first greeted him. But each had a very different way of doing it. You may have also noticed that after hours of being at the party, IntroSusie was mentally and physically drained from the interaction. She wanted nothing else but to be alone. ExtraBob was still at the top of his game and was reluctant about leaving. This is because they both have different ways of gaining energy.
An extrovert gains energy from being around people which explains why ExtraBob didn’t want to leave. They usually can’t stand being alone for very long. The act of just being alone drains them mentally and physically. An introvert, on the other hand, needs to be alone to gain back that energy. A prolonged amount of time around people will drain the introvert and they will soon be looking for a quiet corner to sit in, just like IntroSusie in our story.
Common Attributes between All Introverts
“Introvert” is not a term that defines you as a person. All introverts are different and we each have our own set of skills, talents and God-given Gifts. But all introverts do share common attributes which make them…well…introverted.
Introverts Hate Small Talk
Small talk doesn’t come easily to a lot of introverts. Usually, the thought of just talking about the weather for a few seconds is scary, or at least annoying. Introverts usually like to talk about deeper subjects. That doesn’t mean we have to talk about string theory or the point of human existence. We usually just want the conversation to feel sincere and small talk can sometimes feel disingenuous.
Introverts are Thinkers
Along with the fact I shared earlier about being drained in social situations, Introverts are very introspective. What I mean by that is, introverts have no problem thinking for long periods of time to themselves without saying a word. An introvert has no problem getting lost in our thoughts and letting our imagination take us to all sorts of places.
Introverts also like to think before we speak. We make our mothers proud because of it. This is one reason we don’t like small talk. Introverts have a constant internal monologue running. As we are in a group discussion, we are usually the quiet ones. Not because we are scared to talk, but because we are thinking about what needs to be said. We usually don’t just say it and hope for the best. Because of this, people really seem to listen when we speak.
Introverts Enjoy Reading
Introverts also have a tendency to be considered a “Bookworm”. You know, someone who is always caught reading. When an introvert is in need of some alone time, a lot will turn to a book in a quiet place. I believe this is because of our constant introspection. Because we are always thinking and dialoguing in our heads, books make a great escape from thinking and just allows us to enjoy the story.
I will confess that I am not an avid book reader. But I do need my alone time. In that alone time, I might not read books, but I do read articles, study, or listen to a podcast or audiobook. I enjoy learning and am always looking for something new to know. So even though I may not enjoy reading a good fiction, I am still in a quiet space learning something I wouldn’t be able to if I were with others.
Why Should I care if I’m an Introvert?
As I said before, “introvert” is not a defining word for who you are. It is not a scarlet letter, so to speak. It is simply a term that explains a personality trait. Introverts come in all walks of life and can sit anywhere on the Introvert-Extrovert continuum. You might even have days where you slide up or down the continuum (though not far). It is good to be aware of your personality and really be self-aware of what drives you and what drains you. Once you know these things, life makes much more sense. You start to understand the certain emotions you are feeling at any given time.
I used to think there was something wrong with me when I didn’t want to go out into crowds and “have fun”. I never understood why I felt awkward with small talk and had such a hard time talking while in groups. But now that I am aware of what an introvert even is, I can forgive myself for not always wanting to be “social”. Also, I need time to process what is going on or being talked about. Now I understand that. I now know I need time to think before I speak. And because I know that now, I can use that time to actually process instead of worry what is wrong with me.
Also Read: 13 Reasons Introverts are Drawn to Writing
If you enjoyed this topic, please consider following me and subscribing to my email list for more.
Travis Haines
Husband | Father | IT Guy | Blogger | Author and Creator of ChristianIntrovert.com wanting to encourage those who question their abilities in Christ. Don't let your Introversion define who you are and don't use it as an excuse to shut yourself out from the world.