I Am Not Conceited: I Am An Introvert8 minute read

Guest post by Tori Close

If we make eye contact across the room but I don’t approach you, you might think that I am conceited … but I’m not.

If you see me at a function and speak to me, but I don’t keep the conversation going very well after the initial “How are you?” greetings are exchanged, you might think that I am conceited … but I’m not.

If you see me only speaking to a few select people at a party, you might think that I am conceited … but I’m not.

You see, I am an introvert. I prefer to be quiet. I prefer the presence of one or two individuals who are close to my heart, over crowds of people. I would rather sit in a quiet corner and read a book than to mingle at a party.

As many of my fellow introverts can attest, there are a lot of times that we (and our introverted natures) are misunderstood. People may think that we are shy, socially awkward, standoffish, judgmental, or even – unfortunately – conceited. I know that I have been classified as all of these things at one point or another in my life … and truthfully, some of these labels are accurate. I am shy. I am socially awkward to an extent. I am not, however, judgmental or conceited. I am simply not comfortable around large groups of people, especially if I don’t know anyone.

Being in those types of situations literally drains me physically, and I can only stand it for so long before I have to leave and decompress. It’s almost like having a very quiet, very emotive form of anxiety. I didn’t realize until I hit my 40’s exactly what being an introvert was, and it was a relief to discover that I wasn’t abnormal.

Let me give you an example: weddings. Weddings are supposed to be a wonderful, joyful, beautiful beautiful thing, right? They are! For me though, if I am not intimately acquainted with the vast majority of the people in attendance, I feel like the proverbial wallflower. I am not good with small talk. I am not good at walking up to someone and introducing myself. I am not good with strangers, period. Sadly, these traits can make it seem like I am aloof or pretentious, but truly, I’m not. I am merely out of my element.

To show you how crazy this is, I felt like the outsider at my own son’s wedding a few years ago. How can that be? I am the mother of the groom! I should be gloriously overjoyed, and dancing into the wee hours of the night! Eh, not so much. lol While I knew some of the guests, of course, there were many, MANY that I did not know, and I had so much anxiety that I didn’t truly relax until my husband and I were back at our hotel room later that evening.

Don’t get me wrong; I was overjoyed for my son’s precious day and eternally grateful that I was able to be part of this once-in-a-lifetime moment. (As you can see in this photo of our mother/son dance.)

I love my son. I love my daughter-in-law. I did not, however, love the event itself – or should I say the reception/social portion of the event. It was too much for me, and I didn’t enjoy this beautiful day nearly as much as I should have …or wanted to!

It makes me incredibly sad sometimes, but I have to remember that God created me this way, for whatever reason that may be. I’m still working on figuring that part out.

If you are a Christian introvert, this can be even harder. People expect Christians to be these happy, outgoing, bouncy people and when you are not one of the aforementioned personalities, they think you are (again) either conceited or judgmental. For most of us, this is the furthest thing from the truth – we just honestly don’t feel comfortable in certain situations. When we aren’t comfortable, it makes others around us uncomfortable, and there’s no fun in that … for anyone.

I remember one time when my husband and I were dating, we went over to one of his friends’ homes. We were all having a good time – laughing, eating, drinking, and generally making merry. At one point, someone turned on the TV and said, “You have to watch this comedian. He is hilarious!”

After only a few minutes I was well aware that this particular comedian was far too “blue” for me, and his jokes were making me incredibly ill at ease. Being that it was not my home, I unobtrusively made my way outside, stood on the back deck, and enjoyed the summer night air. When the hostess found out why I was standing outside (I did not say anything to her myself), she took offense and promptly stated that I was a “goody two shoes” and thought I was better than everyone else.

What?! Where did that come from?! I wasn’t making a scene, nor did I tell anyone else that I didn’t approve of their entertainment. I had quietly removed myself and was prepared to go back in after the show was over. I certainly wasn’t judging them and I absolutely never thought that I was better than anyone else at the party. I had to follow my spirit and my conscience though, and I knew that type of comedy was not what the Lord wanted me listening to or watching. Does that make me moralistic or snobbish? Not in my humble opinion.

I will admit though, that it sincerely hurt my feelings to be misunderstood and misjudged. What is a girl to do? What is an introvert to do?

If there is one thing that I want all of my fellow introverts to know it is this; God has created you, just the way you are. He has made you in His image, and He gave you the personality traits that He wanted you to have. I know that it can be hard sometimes to discover how to use your personality in a positive manner, and it is so easy to feel lost in this world – but please know that you are the EXACT, pure, splendid being that you are because God created you just how He wanted you to be.

So, with all of that said, remember that having a quiet spirit is a good thing. It’s not something to be ashamed of; as a matter of fact, the Bible promotes it:

“I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people -for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness.” ~ 1 Timothy 2:1-2

And for women specifically:

“Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” ~ 1 Peter 3:4

Learn to love yourself. Learn to believe in yourself. Learn to sparkle and shine, just as you are. You do not have to conform to the standards of this outgoing world, because God loves you just the way you are. You are beautiful, my fellow introverts!

Now, go curl up with a good book, paint a picture, listen to some music … do whatever it is that makes you YOU.

God bless you all,

Tori

P.S. For those of you who encounter us introverts along the way, please don’t misread us before you get to know us personally. It may take us a moment or two … or ten … to warm up, but once we do, you will never doubt where our loyalties lie. We make the best of friends!

About Tori

God. Family. Friends. Art. Coffee. These are the main loves of my life. ♥

I have been blogging for over 12 years now, and have had a few of my devotionals and short stories published in different Christian magazines and blogs. It’s such an encouragement to see that something you write from the heart is touching the lives of others.

My amazing husband and I have raised two children in the beautiful state of Montana, very close to Glacier National Park. I love anything and everything artistic; photography, painting, mixed-media art, writing, and music. Color makes me happy, and getting my hands into a project and watching it come to life is one of my greatest pleasures.

With our children grown and married now, and my husband and I are embarking on yet another new season in our lives. I’m so thankful to God for all of His provisions, blessings, and grace. ♥

I hope you will stop by and visit me at www.toriclose.com someday soon!

Huge THANK YOU to Tori for writing this article for the Christian Introvert readers.

Also follow her on Twitter @Tori_Close

Also Read: What is the Perfect Christian?  and An Introverts Place in the Church.

Tori Close

God. Family. Friends. Art. Coffee. These are the main loves of my life. ♥ With published works in different Christian Magazines and Blogs. I love to encourage others with what I write. ~ToriClose.com